An Open Letter.
To everyone I love:
I'm sorry, but I can't take care of you.
I know that I've been doing that... taking care of you, or at least giving it my best shot, for a long time now. And it's not that I'm going to stop trying, but I think I've drained my last resource and I have nothing left to give.
I don't really need you to give back. In fact, it would probably make me feel like less of a charity case if you didn't. I hate feeling like a charity case. Do I want you to give back? If I were honest, I'd say yes, but I don't know how to let you... so it's okay.
Usually I can overcome this. Usually I can rise and be better and stronger and take care of you, and it makes me even better.
Nothing bad has happened. Okay, so I lost the job, but it's okay. I can find another one. This was before then, this has all been happening slowly, slowly, slowly until I find myself alone in a crowd, lost in my house, drowning inside myself.
Told her the other night that I was fine. Told him: heart. sleeve. That's me.
And I know I'll get back to it, and soon, but I just need a week or two of selfishness. Maybe a month. Some arms that aren't mine to wrap up warm in, knowing that for once, someone will take care of me for a little while. I need to cry and I haven't been able to, holding it all in, giving you a smile...
...but I need to be taken care of. Just for a little while. That's all I'm asking, just a little while for my heart to be okay again.
Love,
Me
I'm sorry, but I can't take care of you.
I know that I've been doing that... taking care of you, or at least giving it my best shot, for a long time now. And it's not that I'm going to stop trying, but I think I've drained my last resource and I have nothing left to give.
I don't really need you to give back. In fact, it would probably make me feel like less of a charity case if you didn't. I hate feeling like a charity case. Do I want you to give back? If I were honest, I'd say yes, but I don't know how to let you... so it's okay.
Usually I can overcome this. Usually I can rise and be better and stronger and take care of you, and it makes me even better.
Nothing bad has happened. Okay, so I lost the job, but it's okay. I can find another one. This was before then, this has all been happening slowly, slowly, slowly until I find myself alone in a crowd, lost in my house, drowning inside myself.
Told her the other night that I was fine. Told him: heart. sleeve. That's me.
And I know I'll get back to it, and soon, but I just need a week or two of selfishness. Maybe a month. Some arms that aren't mine to wrap up warm in, knowing that for once, someone will take care of me for a little while. I need to cry and I haven't been able to, holding it all in, giving you a smile...
...but I need to be taken care of. Just for a little while. That's all I'm asking, just a little while for my heart to be okay again.
Love,
Me
6 Comments:
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Wanna come over? We can drink coffee & just sit. Maybe I'll even bake you some scones - REAL scones, not the fried kind like you get at the state fair that smell so good but make your stomach sick.
Well dear... you've always taken good care of me.
Even when you aren't trying.
If we lived closer I'd give you a great big hug. Maybe even do the whole ice cream and sappy chick flick thing too...nothing like getting chip faced when you're upset eh? Ooo ooo! You could even poke my tummy cuz that makes everyone laugh!!!
Anywho, I really do wish I could cheer ya up a bit...if there's anything I can do you know how to catch me...and remember, you are always in my prayers. :)
You've always taken care of everyone else. Ever since the seventh grade, you always took the time to make sure that your friends were okay. When did we ever stop to really take care of you?
It's okay, babe. Take the time you need. Take a break from everyone's problematic lives, and work on your world. I know you can kick whatever has you down. I know you can be shiny again, and that you can be happy again. I love you so much, and I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you like I should be. Can I try again?
I love you, and I miss you. I wish I could be talking to you, face to face, or at least on the phone, but for right now, this will have to work. I'll talk to you soon, my Disney Princess. Love you forever.
If you need space and time to be alone, then so be it. Do what you feel and/or know is best for you, and the rest will follow.
Lots of *hugs*,
sea
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